A letter to my boys

23 Feb

A just because letter

I decided to write this letter to my sons today because I wanted them to know just how special they are.  Today we finally brought down the storage bin that contained my older son’s clothes for ages 12 -18 months. These clothes were to also be Rocco’s when he grew old enough or big enough to fit into them…that moment has come.

Dear Rockford and Rocco,

Today daddy brought down the bin from storage (our garage loft), yes where we keep our Christmas decorations and yes where you are not allowed to climb.  I lugged it down to your room huffing and puffing and finally was just happy to get that weighty thing down there (our bedrooms are downstairs).  I left it there to be opened after dinner so I could start taking the clothes out.

I remember packing all these clothes in this bin as if it were just yesterday. I remember the big mess I made in your then room on Rodrigo Dr. I was putting these clothes away for you Rocco because you would one day need them. It was April and at this time, you were about a month from being born and joining our family. I was doing what is called “nesting” and I was decluttering the room to make space for your newborn-3 months clothes. Rockford, you had outgrown these clothing items and were soon turning two.  I wanted to make sure this bin was nicely fasten and would withstand the move we would be making that July, so I used the only tape I had on hand and went to town with it.  “I wouldn’t be needed these for a long time,” or so I thought.

When I finally got downstairs today to open the bin, I suddenly came to a halt. I looked at the top of the tape where I had written “12mos-18mos clothes”. I immediately got it! Rocco has grown so much and so fast! Right now you are crawling and moving every which way and picking yourself up to grab anything in sight. Where did time go? I know you are not that old yet, but I still remember being able to just lay you on the couch with the confidence that you would just lay there and not roll over. Now you are big enough to fit into your big brother’s clothes. I took a deep breathe and continued with my objective to open the bin and reorganize room.

As I opened the bin and saw the clothes looking back at me I felt them almost saying to me, “Remember me, when Rockford wore me for his 1st birthday?” “How about us, when you asked daddy to go get Rockford PJs and he came home with all 12 of us and you laughed thinking why so many?” “Remember me, when Rockford got me for last Christmas for a special occasion?” “What about me, when Rockford wore me to the zoo and you took a picture and used it for your Christmas card?” The memories chatter went on and on and I was transcended into memory bliss, a time when you, Rockford, where getting your first teeth, were learning to walk, and starting to say your first legible words. I was in tears trying to wrap myself around the fact that you both are growing and I am only left with the memories of my little boys.

I got up from kneeling next to the bin and sat in the rocking chair that now sits adjacent to your crib Rocco. I sat and just stared at the bin, now not only filled with clothes but with memories.  I couldn’t help but think of how time really does fly by and how there is nothing we can do to stop it. I was reminded of a broadcast I heard with Lysa TerKeurst on Focus on the Family, actually your daddy and I attended  the taping of this broadcast here in San Diego, in pursuit once again of learning to be better parents for you.  In her interview, Lysa shared that in her life she would always latch on to this bible verse:

Your eyes saw my unformed body;
   all the days ordained for me were written in your book
   before one of them came to be.
Psalm 139:16

She latched on to this verse when she feared for her kids lives. She also said that she continued to hear God whisper to her throughout, “please be courageous enough to let me write their testimonies.” I can’t tell you how much comfort and peace this brings to me. Because of this verse, I too like Lysa, can say, “I can’t add to the quantity of your life, but I can add to the quality of your life.” I was reminded of the great responsibility I was given when each of you came into my life.  What an honor, what joy to call you my own. I know God knew exactly the mom you needed when he loan you to me. That’s why it is my desire to train you up in the ways you should go so when you grown men you will not depart from it (Proverbs 22:6).

Sons I know I will never be perfect and I won’t always be patient, wise, or sensitive, but always rest assure that my love is beyond your comprehension. A love that God knew I would understand the moment I felt you move inside me. The other day in the shower you asked me Rockford, “How much do you love me?” and I answered, “A little bit less than God.” One day you will understand that love of our Lord Jesus Christ and you will know what I meant that day I answered you.

Thank you for being so loving, so fun, so adventurous and “all boy” boys! You made me more adventurous than I thought I could be. I smile when I see a spider or caterpillar. I smile when I see a toy lying around the house or I find a diaper in my bag because this means you are in my life and I praise God for filling my life with so much joy. I thought I was already undeserving of your loving daddy, then you both came and I am overwhelmed and humbled. I love you both so much and just wanted you boys to know how I was feeling about you and how special I think you both are on a given day like this.

Love,

Your mama

 

 

 

 

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8 Responses to “A letter to my boys”

  1. maegan February 23, 2011 at 9:20 pm #

    Thank you so much for sharing this note. I struggle some days to see the treasure that my son is and this was a perfect reminder of the joy and fullness that he has brought to my life. Continue to enjoy the adventure that boys bring.
    I too find myself looking for bugs that Conrad would enjoy looking at and touching, worms and lizards are the newest additions.

    • Training Up My Boys February 23, 2011 at 9:54 pm #

      Isn’t funny though how God can reveal more of Himself through our imperfections and weaknesses. I know I have days when I don’t have the patience, endurance and or strength, but He fills in for me to get me through the day with love and peace. Now adding a boy to that equation makes things even more…interesting and fun 🙂 Maegan, it’s like my letter said “God knew exactly the mom Conrad needing when he formed him”. Let’s contine to embark on this journey together. BTW, Rocky wants to get Rockford a little lizard lol.

      • erika crosthwaite February 25, 2011 at 9:23 am #

        That was soo beautiful Raquel! I too have already put shirts here in there that i saved from Daniel on callen and i just can’t believe time s just flying by.. he’s almost 1! It is true that all we have is now the present is truly a GIft ftom god and everyday i Intend to treasure it and cultivate my Love for my sons! You touched my heart, thank you.:)

      • Training Up My Boys February 25, 2011 at 3:50 pm #

        That is awesome to hear you delight in your boys and treasuring every moment with them. You are doing a great deal by just being there for them. Isn’t it amazing to know that God knew you would be the best mom for them and the fact that you are seeking God’s will in your life shows that you do want the best for your kids. I love taking this mommy journey with so many other mommies like you 🙂

  2. erika crosthwaite February 25, 2011 at 9:28 am #

    Raquel this is the most moving Beautiful letter ! I too have already put big brother’s clothes on baby brother and i just can’t believe how big both of them are! time flys by..I also intend on everyday being in the present because it is a gift, from god i have been blessed with my sons that bring me soo much joy. i want to cultivate and grow them up strong in gods love. 🙂

  3. Ann Alcantara February 25, 2011 at 2:58 pm #

    Hello Raquel..
    nice to see you on FB! u might not remember me but i also went to Montgomery HS class of ’96. I see u have a mommy blog here and i really enjoyed reading it:) you have a beautiful family. I too have 2 boys Anthonie 10 yrs old and Colin 6 yrs. old. They truly are a blessing and very rewarding. Ever since i got married i could never imagine my life would be like this…with all GOD’s grace, guidance an help i couldn’t ask for anything more.

    • Training Up My Boys February 25, 2011 at 4:25 pm #

      You too have a beautiful family. Two boys too! I love it. So tell me what has been the best thing you have learned or gained in your life with your two boys? Aren’t they so different? I am so glad you see the blessing they are in your life. I love sharing my funny, moving and learning stories here in this blog and I always love to hear other mommies stories too. It is awesome to hear you trust God for guidance He really is the source of knowledge and wisdom. Look foward to hearing more about you and your family. God Bless. 🙂

  4. Jessica February 26, 2011 at 11:13 am #

    Beautiful letter Raquel…

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